I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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