The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
