well I can't set my house on fire every night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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