Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
