my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
