i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
