I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
