you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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