I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
why do cheetos always look like penises
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is Oprah even human
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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