Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
