Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
