You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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