She is in my trunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
