I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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