Apparently you make a good broom.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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