But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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