I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
