I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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