and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
