I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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