just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
