mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
