Someone shit on the floor
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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