So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude. I can hear the air.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
