if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
