We're facebook friends in real life
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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