i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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