She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The struggles of a small town man whore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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