I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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