just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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