I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
