I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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