You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
