my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.