Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet