Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who died my cat blue again?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.