I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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