Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?