it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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