forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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