I just gift wrapped bread.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
