my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
