"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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