His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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