i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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