i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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