what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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