I'm lost and stupid without you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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