great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
