Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
