girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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