I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
