...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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