The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize