well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
