i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
