Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
