So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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