Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
