Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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