the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize