if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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