its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
