the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
