Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
