If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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