sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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