apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
