Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
