maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
