Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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