Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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