Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
