you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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