I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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